


written words (and the spaces in between)

by asterial



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, One-Shot, Pining, Semi-Epistolary, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterial/pseuds/asterial
Summary: Atsumu thought he'd live his entire life as the character his family had written him to be.That was, until he met Hinata.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 75





	written words (and the spaces in between)

**Author's Note:**

> _  
> **a few notes before we begin:**  
> _  
>  \- this is my (only) contribution to atsuhina week for day 4's prompt: royalty  
> \- hinata's sister is aged up in this au so that they're situated only a year apart so that it works for the story  
> \- this story was inspired by @[naiivu_u](https://twitter.com/naiivu_u/status/1253223520206614529?s=20)'s work on twitter
> 
> please enjoy!

My dearest Natsu,

There are many ways I could go about saying this to you. I could write novels upon novels, one letter just might not be enough to suffice. There are simultaneously no words and too many words for me to fully express my feelings towards you at this very moment. Alas, I call myself both the luckiest and unluckiest man alive. For, there is only so much ink and parchment can convey, no matter the words, the thoughts, the reasons. However, I do believe whatever I feel for you transcends all things tangible. After all, love is incorporeal, yet it chose to take us in its form. We do not have to touch hands to feel a spark, for you are already ablaze in my heart. 

For now, I will say this: I cannot wait to see you, my love. My entire body aches every second I am still not beside you. I cannot wait until I can convey my love in not just words, but through soft touches and knowing looks. Perhaps, that is the only way my heart will be at rest.

All my love,

Atsumu

♛

Here is the narrative:

Prince Miya Atsumu is in love with Princess Hinata Natsu. 

The story started with death, as do a lot of love stories. Although, from Atsumu’s perspective, this isn’t exactly a love story. They had met in the wake of his father and had fallen in love. The only problem was that they lived in different kingdoms, so they wrote letters to close the distance. They found solace in each other’s words, so much so they thought the rest of the kingdom should see them. They had their letters displayed, each with their own confessions of love. And the public loved it. Enough to completely forget about their king’s death, just like they had planned it.

But here’s the real story: 

There are better ways Atsumu could be spending his time. He could be studying, something he should prioritize especially being next in line. He hears being the patriarch isn’t the easiest job in the world, considering his own father had his life taken away for being in that position. The thought of being king, however, doesn’t really scare him as much as it should. He’s more bothered than scared. Ruling a kingdom sounds like a big pain he’d rather not have anything to do with, except it’s something that was decided before he was even born. 

So he sucks it up, something he finds himself doing more often than not. That’s one thing that comes with this whole being royal thing; stay quiet, take whatever they give, be _smart_. One wrong move and it’s checkmate. But Atsumu’s never been good at chess. 

Whatever the case, there’s only about a week until he has to meet his bride-to-be, pretend to be happy to see her, and go through an entire wedding ceremony with a smile on his face even though what he really feels is indifference. If Atsumu is good at anything, it’s acting. Acting like he’s fine with whatever is going on. Acting like his father’s death didn’t faze him one bit. Acting like he’s in love and writing all that down in letters; letters that they display to the public like some sort of medal to be proud of.

He has more time on his hands than he should, spending most nights just pacing around his room like he was restless. The air of his room, however, has been turning more and more insufferable with each night getting closer to the day he meets this Hinata Natsu. He doesn’t want the only place he can call his own to turn into someplace he can no longer breathe in. So, he sneaks out. Not out the palace, of course, because there’s no way he could ever do something like that even if he wanted to. He’s headed towards the garden, mind completely devoid of thoughts and he’s walked this same path so many times his body goes on autopilot. 

The sight of his father’s grave doesn’t sting him as much as it probably should.

He blames on his family, and whoever else is acting like the scene in front of him didn’t happen. How he’s turned numb in only a few weeks to the absence of a person that was once his entire world. Perhaps it is better this way, that he no longer has to pretend not to care; that he’s finally acting like the character in their little story.

He places flowers atop his father’s grave and it feels a lot like a goodbye.

When he walks back, he takes the long way, through this ridiculously detailed garden maze he had memorized ever since he was a little kid. The night air is cool against his skin, enough for him to shiver even when he’s wearing his royal robes. If he ends up with a cold the next morning, he’s never gonna hear the end of it from his mother so he decides to hurry. 

This lonely night however, isn’t as lonely as it seemed.

There’s a moment he thinks it’s just his eyes that are playing tricks on him, plagued with fatigue and empty thoughts. But he blinks twice and there’s still a figure there. Except, it’s no figure, it’s a person. And it’s staring up at him like a deer in headlights. 

“Who—”

He’s gone as soon as Atsumu speaks, vanishing into the bushes like a quick fox. The last thing the prince sees is a strand of orange hair before he’s gone entirely. 

He should really be alarmed, considering what he saw might’ve been a thief of some sorts. Thinking about reporting this, however, would mean that he would have to tell everyone that he was out when he wasn’t supposed to be. And that was something he’d rather not deal with. After all, if their security really is state of the art, this thief would be caught before morning, with or without his help.

When he heads to bed, he remembers the glimpse of the orange hair and he thinks maybe it really was just a trick of the eye.

♛

My love Atsumu,

Indeed, I too have no further words to express my love for you. Not any more than I have already said. It seems that we have exhausted this medium of communication, we no longer have anything to say. Perhaps it is quite greedy of me to say this, but I wish the clock hands would run quicker. I could spend hours just writing about my feelings, however, why must I do that if I could tell you when I am right beside you? 

I hope you know this in your heart; that you do not have to worry about my love ever ceasing, for seeing you will only increase it tenfold. 

Undoubtedly yours,

Natsu

♛

They have a guest in the palace. 

The only way Atsumu knows is because no one has come up to his room to wake him up, probably far too preoccupied in getting ready for whoever was coming. He had not been informed about any of this, but then again, a lot of things happen in the palace without him knowing.

He gets himself ready, long grown out of the need for a maid to dress him up and serve him breakfast every morning. He had told them specifically to never enter his bedroom to wake him but to simply knock on his door three times when morning came. He was a light sleeper, so he could easily wake up from just that. Besides, he didn't want to deal with anyone so early in the morning.

"Prince Atsumu!"

Perhaps it was too soon to think he wouldn't have to see one of the palace workers this morning, after all. 

"I am awake," he informs them, eyes on himself in the mirror. "That you, Tobio-kun?"

"Yes, your highness," he answers. "We have a guest downstairs that the queen wants you to greet," he informs through the closed door.

Atsumu sighs, looking at his reflection and wondering when the dark circles under his eyes started to show up.

"Who is it?" he asks.

"The brother of your bride, your highness."

That stops him in his tracks. When did they ever say he would meet Hinata Natsu's brother before the wedding?

"I see," he says, despite himself, "I'll be down in a moment."

He doesn't tell anyone but he moves slower than usual to get downstairs, mind somewhat dreading meeting whoever this brother character was. Anything remotely related to Hinata Natsu made him inexplicably uncomfortable and he had more trouble hiding whatever he felt towards this situation more than anything else. The entire thing just didn't sit right with him. He wonders if Natsu felt the same way.

Except, he'd rather do anything else than think about the princess he's supposedly marrying.

When he reaches the throne room, lines of guards in uniforms he hasn't seen before greet him. At the end of the line stands his mother and… the same shade of orange he saw last night.

"Atsumu, darling!" his mother exclaims, taking strides towards him and grabbing ahold of his forearm. "Come, come. I'd like you to meet your soon-to-be brother-in-law."

The queen drags Atsumu towards him, and the entire time his eyes are stuck on the other prince's obviously distressed expression. He's avoiding eye contact, hands fidgeting needlessly beside him. As if that would help him.

"This is Hinata Shoyou," his mother informs him all the while. 

He seems to remember why he was here in the first place, quickly switching gears and flashing a smile towards Atsumu. Atsumu knows all too well that that smile is fake because it's the same smile he wears every time he meets one of their royal constituents. It's almost laughable how he's at the receiving end of it this time, because he notices just how obvious it is.

He sends back a playful smirk, extending his hand for a shake and says, "Pleasure to meet you, Prince Shoyou. I'm Miya Atsumu."

The prince takes his hand in his, and after one firm handshake he pulls away immediately. 

"Please, there is no need for such pleasantries. You are marrying my sister soon, after all," he tells him, not a quiver in his voice. Impressive.

"Hinata-san, then? It doesn't seem right to call my bride's brother by his first name just yet," he responds. 

"Miya-san it is then," he nods, then looks towards his mother. "My, your highness, you have raised a fine gentleman. I'm sure Natsu would be glad to meet him."

So, he knows the letters are fake. That much, Atsumu thinks, is quite uncanny. Atsumu would probably have no idea about the truth about the letters had he not been the one sending them.

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear. My boy's such a kind and sweet man, I'm sure he would make Princess Natsu very happy."

"I have no doubt he will."

Atsumu tunes out most of their conversation. He honestly has no idea why he had to meet him in the first place. He'll probably never see him again, anyway. What was so important about exchanging pleasantries and deciding what they would call each other?

"Excuse me," Atsumu calls out when there's a lull in their conversation. "I do regret saying that I have other matters I must attend to at the moment. However, it was a pleasure to meet you, Hinata-san. I look forward to meeting your sister as well."

He waves goodbye and starts to step away from the two. But he backtracks just before he leaves entirely.

"Oh, and Hinata-san!" he says, a knowing smile on his face, "The nights are getting colder, I hope you brought a thicker coat if you wish to stay for supper."

Atsumu misses the way Hinata had struggled to keep a straight face when bidding him goodbye.

So it wasn't just his eyes after all.

♛

The queen had raised the perfect prince.

Atsumu was handsome, skillful, smart, and strong. Everything anyone would imagine a royal prince would be. There were no evident flaws to him, not any that could be spotted at first glance. But it’s not as if the queen let anyone even remotely close to Atsumu, nor did Atsumu let anyone close to him. See, a life of perfection is more often than not a life of solitude. And this was exactly the kind of life the queen had planned for her son. 

So, don’t blame him if he has no idea how to react to the news of Hinata Shoyou staying in their palace for a week.

He’s been told that he’s there in place of his sister, mostly to help with wedding preparations. Natsu was supposed to meet with him a week before the ceremony, but the queen had told them that it would be better for them to meet on the day. As a compromise, they had sent over Shoyou. 

Which, in all honesty, would’ve been fine. Shoyou could’ve come and gone and Atsumu could’ve gone on without meeting him again. The only problem was that the first time they had met wasn’t the first time at all. At least, if Shoyou really was the person he saw that night.

These are the thoughts that confront him at night, pacing around the palace yet again and ending up right where he found the other prince that night. And it seems, he isn’t the only one plagued with these thoughts.

“Prince Shoyou,” he says, a smirk on his face because this is all very interesting.

It seems that the prince has no spacial awareness whatsoever, seeing as he flinches as soon as he hears Atsumu’s voice. He’s mirroring the same stance he had the other night which makes Atsumu think that he’s gone back in time to that very moment. Except, the wind blows once and Shoyou straightens his posture. Just like a prince would.

“I thought I told you to call me Hinata,” he says.

His face is cold, devoid of any emotion. It reminds Atsumu of himself.

“Hinata-san then,” he starts, “What are you doing here?”

He leaves out saying “again” at the end of his sentence, thinking that he’s sure Hinata knows what he means.

“I’m not sure what you think of me, Miya-san, but I promise I’m not a bad person,” Hinata says. “I’m simply a brother concerned about the future of his sister.”

“And what does that have to do with sneaking into our garden at night? Two times, I might add.”

“I didn’t _sneak in_ ,” Hinata informs him, “I arrived last night and I was looking around and got lost. You realize you found me in the middle of your obnoxious garden maze,” Hinata rolls his eyes at the prince. “And right now I’m here to… clear up a misunderstanding.”

Hinata’s eyes aren’t looking at Atsumu directly, his voice going softer by the end of his sentence. 

“And if I didn’t show up?” Atsumu tries.

“Then I would’ve talked to you tomorrow,” Hinata replies, “I would’ve done it awhile ago but you’re not exactly easy to reach.”

Atsumu is stunned, to say the least. He thought that Hinata would definitely sweep this under the rug and avoid it at all costs, especially because of his initial reaction this morning. 

“I couldn’t say anything this morning because the queen was there,” he continues, as if he could read Atsumu's mind. “You wouldn’t want your mother to know you were out when you weren’t supposed to, right?”

Atsumu had stared Hinata down there, mind and body both inexplicably on guard. Standing there was a boy that, for the first time, had seen right through him, and somehow, he felt terrified.

"Would you like to know the way out of the maze, Hinata-san?" he changes the topic.

Hinata looks pretty proud of himself, a smug grin on his face as he says, "I would love to."

The prince takes steps to level with Atsumu, and all of the sudden it's his turn to get stared down. Hinata is ruthless with his stare, shameless enough to make Atsumu feel like he's smaller than Hinata, even when he's about a head taller than him. 

"Miya-san, I'm sure you don't want to marry my sister, and before you deny it, I'll also say that my sister does not want to marry you, either," he says, his voice ever so steady, Atsumu envies him. "But we both know we were never given a lot of choices to choose from ever since we were born. So, the least we can do is make the choices we can make the right ones. Don't think marrying my sister is the wrong choice."

Atsumu catches Hinata's eyes catch the moonlight for one second, and it's then that he sees Hinata as what he presents himself to be: just a brother wanting the best for his sister.

"I understand," Atsumu says.

He wonders if he'll ever see Hinata like this again.

"Good," Hinata says, stepping back and putting on a stellar smile. "Now, lead the way."

♛

My dearest Natsu,

If your love for me will grow deeper when we meet, then I wish we have a thousand chances to do it again. To think that we could relive the moment we first touch hands, find the spaces between our fingers to fit each other's perfectly, renders me completely euphoric. My, if I could go back to the first time I saw you, I would never leave. For you are infinite in my mind. The thought of you hinders my sleep; makes me toss and turn in anxiety. And when I am in slumber you are still there, my dreams plagued with the smile I have only seen once but can never forget. Everyday I am finding empty spaces only you can fill. And if I dare to dream, perhaps there is also a void in your life that only I can fill as well.

Nights are colder now that I know you are not here. But I find solace in the thought that we bathe in the light of the same moon.

All my love,

Atsumu

♛

Atsumu had lived a life of routine. Everything he did, from the second he opens his eyes in the morning to the moment he closes them shut in the evening, he had set like doctrine. This was just the way he worked. Like a system, carefully thought out and put together. No room for adjustments or compromises. Things worked, so why would he change them?

This was how he thought his entire life would be planned out. Except he never really thought nightly strolls in the palace's garden maze would become a part of his routine.

"Thank you for showing the right path out," Hinata had told him that night. "But unfortunately I don't remember any of it."

The prince scratched his neck, putting on a bashful grin and suddenly he was just a young boy. 

Maybe that's what makes Atsumu say, "Then why don't we do this again?"

That's what leads them here; the night air cool against their skin, the bright moon in the sky. It is the third time they are walking the same path, Atsumu doubts Hinata can't already remember the way. But the prince still insists that he lead the way, and there's just something about Hinata that renders Atsumu completely unable to deny him anything. 

"Don't you ever get lost in here?" Hinata asks. The prince has become rather comfortable in Atsumu's presence. Comfortable enough to start conversations without it seeming awkward. 

"Not since I was a kid, no," Atsumu replies. If he's honest, he has also found himself becoming less uptight around the other prince. Although, he would never admit that out loud.

"That makes sense," Hinata hums, his voice a nice break from the quiet night. Hearing it makes Atsumu feel like he's waking up from a dream. _Oh_ , he thinks, I am right here.

Right here is next to Hinata, a place that felt like he could get used to. A place that he'd like to call a friend.

"I helped in designing the whole thing, you know?" he tells him, "I had laid out plans using a piece of parchment and a pen I stole from my father's office."

At that, Hinata laughs. And even though they were at least a foot apart, Atsumu could feel his warmth through his smile. 

"That sounds adorable! A little prince coming up to his dad and showing him drawings of maze designs!" 

He laughs the entire time he speaks, Atsumu can't help the grin his lips stretch into.

"I made it well enough to scare my brother into never entering it for the fear that he might get lost," he continues, "Until this day, the only person that knows the ins and outs of this maze is me."

"And your father, right?" Hinata adds.

Atsumu pauses. "Right."

Hinata seems to understand that he had stepped on a landmine, carefully retracting his steps by saying, "But I don't think I've met your brother."

Atsumu catches himself. This is no time to be thinking about his father.

"Well, he's studying abroad," he informs him. "He didn't like being cooped up in a palace, so he made a fuss until my parents let him leave. He'll come back once he's bored of travelling though, for sure."

"Ah," Hinata replies, "A wandering soul."

"Maybe," Atsumu says, "To me, he's just a prick."

Hinata chuckles again at that. "And why would you think that way?"

"He obviously did it to avoid the crown. We're twins, you see, and either of us could've inherited it when we came of age. Our parents were gonna choose which one of us would be king when that happened but—"

"Plans changed?" Hinata tries.

Atsumu nods, "Exactly. Plans changed. Things that we didn't think would happen happened, and now, I'll be king in a week," he finishes. Somehow, he feels relieved to tell someone all of this.

"... so that's why," Hinata says under his breath, but Atsunu had still heard it.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," the prince quickly responds. "But, if it makes you feel any better, my sister probably understands how you feel."

At that, Atsumu raises his eyebrow. "And why is that?"

Hinata looks like he's in a different place, eyes unreadable, stance cold. Atsumu wonders where that is.

"Let's just say you're not the only one who's been pushed back into a corner," he explains.

Atsumu stares at Hinata then, and he realizes just how much of a stranger the prince still is to him. 

"My brother wouldn't have been fit to rule, anyway," Atsumu says as an afterthought.

"Oh?" Hinata perks up, "And why is that?"

"Well, _I'm_ the handsome twin."

Hinata's laugh rings sweet into the cold night. Atsumu thinks he'd like to make him laugh again.

He thinks he understands what Hinata means, even just a little bit. But he's certain there's something more beneath what he said. Something Atsumu would probably never know.

♛

My love Atsumu, 

To say that there is a void that only you could fill would be an understatement. I have realized that I am no longer whole, or perhaps, I never was. My love, you have unveiled a part of me I had never realized was there. And that part was you; like a missing piece of a puzzle I thought was already whole. Only when our hands touch will it truly be complete. Oh, I bet the picture will be a masterpiece.

Nights are indeed lonely when there is no one to share it with. So I ask that you only dream of me, that way I may be with you even if I am not. I will be your sun in the middle of a dark night.

Undoubtedly yours,

Natsu

♛

Atsumu can feel something has changed. 

Things are a bit… different in the palace. Something is almost always happening in the palace, regardless of whether or not he was aware of what it was. Now, the entire palace is buzzing because of his wedding and honestly, he isn't sure what he feels about this.

He's in the middle of his royal fitting for his wedding tux. The tailor was a man from Hinata's kingdom who they insisted take care of the clothes. Atsumu doesn't entirely understand why this is needed, especially considering he has about a dozen suits he hasn't worn yet. He gets through it quickly, leaving after saying a brief goodbye from the tailor before he can start any small talk. 

At first glance, it's obvious that nothing has actually changed. Sure, Atsumu's getting married. Soon after, he'll be crowned king and Natsu will be crowned queen. Both kingdoms will merge and become an empire. But all of this is just business as usual for everyone else in the palace. It was all planned from the very beginning. Even for Atsumu. He was getting ready for his wedding ever since he was born

So what changed?

"—yama, stop!"

That was Hinata's voice, he recognized embarrassingly quickly. It sounds different from when he talks on the open space of the garden. He's in the palace courtyard, and while he is still outside, his voice is caged. The sound bounces from the walls, so Atsumu doesn't realise just how far away Hinata still is from him. 

From here he can see Hinata with one of the palace workers. They both seem quite comfortable with each other, exchanging smiles. Soon enough, the palace worker leaves him, waving goodbye and quickly running out of the courtyard and into the palace. 

It seems Hinata can get along with anyone; something Atsumu found rather difficult to do.

"Rather chummy with Tobio-kun, are we, Hinata-san?" he teases as he approaches the prince.

Hinata hadn't sensed Atsumu's presence at all, judging by the way he all but jumps when he hears his voice.

" _Miya-san_ ," he exhales, a hand against his chest. "I didn't notice you were here."

"I didn't know you were good friends with—"

He gets cut off by a hand against his mouth, pushing him towards the nearest wall. It catches him off guard, grabbing onto Hinata's hand, except he doesn't quite get there. Hinata quickly swats it away with his other hand, holding it in a tight grip. It renders Atsumu completely speechless, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to follow Hinata's gaze towards a scene which was behind them. 

"How was the prince's fitting?" 

Atsumu hears his mother talk. 

"Perfect, your highness. I'll have his clothes ready by two days at most. Also, Prince Shoyo—"

Their voices fade as, Atsumu guesses, they walk past the courtyard. The entire time, Hinata was staring at the two, eyes wide and almost protective.

It is sunset, so the entire place is painted with a golden hue, signalling the last few hours of day when the sky melts into night. For now, the sun is caressing Hinata with its rays as Atsumu looks at him from the shadows Hinata has pinned him against. 

It is a different sort of quiet that Atsumu experiences. Dissimilar to the quiet of the night which was cold and lonely. He can't help but stare at Hinata even when the prince's eyes aren't staring back. 

It's the first time he's seen Hinata under the sun.

"Sorry," Hinata says as he retracts his hand from Atsumu's lips, stepping away slowly. 

"Kageyama wasn't supposed to be here, and he would've been caught if the queen overheard us talking about him," he explains, a shy expression on his face, probably embarrassed by his bold actions. 

Atsumu doesn't speak. How can he, when he's still captivated?

"I'll see you, later. Sorry again!"

Atsumu is still frozen, even when Hinata has long since left him alone. 

It's when he places his hand against his chest, feeling an unfamiliar weight, and presses the other to cover his red face, does he realize what really changed.

♛

My dearest Natsu,

I’d like to entertain the thought that there was something missing before we met; a part of me I had not known I was searching for, a part I had of you that I was not aware I was in possession of. Except, I do not think that. To complete someone is to completely fill in the holes in their life. However, I must apologize if I may have put that burden on you, and I apologize that I cannot guarantee that I would do that for you. I am merely a man in love. I do not have the things you are missing, as much as I would like to. I will, however, be able to hold your hand as you search for your missing pieces. And, if you would let me, ask for your hand when I search for mine. 

The sun, you say? My, it must be jealous of you; that you are able to walk the earth even at night, and still shine in its full brilliance.

All my love,

Atsumu 

♛

Being around Hinata is… nerve-wracking.

It doesn't show on his face, obviously. Atsumu has long since perfected that art of the poker face, and he takes advantage of this skill in times like this. That doesn't mean he can completely repress his feelings.

He can't help the way his eyes naturally gravitate towards Hinata, can't help the way he feels somewhat restless when he's not beside him, can't help the way his heart sinks when Hinata doesn't look back.

"We'll need to hire a new batch of palace workers. A few have already resigned and some are getting a bit old," he hears his mother talk to her adviser. 

"Right away, your highness."

Atsumu ignores them, as he always does. His mother doesn't usually engage in conversation with him during dinner anyway.

"Would you like some help with that, your highness?" Hinata perks up.

Atsumu can't help but look up from his food as the prince speaks.

"We could send over a few of our workers as you look for new ones," he adds.

The queen smiles, "My, you're so thoughtful, Prince Shoyou. We couldn't possibly accept that."

"I insist, your highness," Hinata smiles even brighter. Atsumu knows he's probably practised that smile a hundred times.

"We're family now. Right, Miya-san?" he looks over at the prince.

Atsumu nearly freezes as Hinata's attention shifts to him. His hands fidget with his cutlery, his feet twist underneath the table.

"Of course," he manages, hiding the strain of his voice with a smile.

"Then it's settled," Hinata declares, turning to the queen again. "I'll contact the palace later tonight."

Atsumu tunes out whatever response his mother had for Hinata, eyes turning back to his unfinished plate of food. His hands let go of the tight grip on the cutlery and he lets out a quiet sigh. 

"Mother, may I be excused?" he speaks between their conversation.

"Oh? But you haven't finished—"

"I'm not hungry," he intercepts, immediately regretting it. 

He doesn't apologize, instead he closes his eyes and breathes in. 

"If you'll excuse me," he says with a low voice.

He doesn't bother looking back at Hinata when he leaves.

♛

Atsumu avoids the garden maze at all costs.

He heads to his quarters early; takes a quick shower and changes into sleeping clothes. He’s probably one of the first people in the palace to turn off his lights, but he can no longer bear to be awake. His mind is restless, however, unable to completely fall into slumber. This isn’t anything new, Atsumu had his fair share of sleepless nights, some more bearable than others. This time, however, it isn’t just his mind that’s keeping him awake. His body aches to stand, his feet already ready to walk the familiar path to the garden. It’s easy to ignore that, though. What’s truly keeping him awake is his heart, weighing heavy in his chest. He’s hyperaware of every beat, hears it ring loudly in his ears. He tries to steady his breathing, keep it in time so that his heart can finally calm down. It proves to be a much more gruelling task he longer he tries it, his heartbeat only going louder and louder—

And then it stops. He opens his eyes to the moon staring at him from outside his window and finally _breathes_. It’s then that he hears timid knocks from his door.

“Miya-san?” 

It was Hinata. Of course it was.

Atsumu doesn’t move from his place on the bed just yet.

“Miya-san, it’s Hinata,” he speaks. “Will you let me in?”

Atsumu slowly sits up from his bed, dragging his feet in a similar pace as he approaches the door. When he opens, he’s greeted by a shy Hinata, eyes glued to the floor except they look up the moment he realizes Atsumu has opened the door.

“Hinata-san, you should—”

“You didn’t come to the garden,” he interjects, blushing as he does so. “So, I… got worried.”

It takes a moment to take Hinata in; his eyes completely avoiding eye contact, the tiny blush atop his cheeks. 

“Come in,” he says quietly, stepping aside and letting the prince in.

He turns on the lights as he let’s Hinata walk in, turning around to see him staring at the window.

“Hinata-san?” Atsumu speaks. “Did you want anything?”

Hinata turns around, “I wanted to ask if you were okay,” he says, “You were acting weird during dinner.”

Atsumu chuckles, “So you noticed?”

“Of course, I did,” he says. He’s so honest it hurts.

“... I am alright,” Atsumu manages to say as he calms his raging heart, its beat already starting to override his senses yet again. “I think I might just be nervous.”

It’s an easy lie to say, much easier than facing the truth; much easier to make Hinata face the truth.

“About the wedding?” Hinata asks. 

“Yes,” he doesn’t pause. That’ll only give it away.

He hears Hinata chuckle, nodding his head. “I see. Well, that’s normal.”

Atsumu stares at Hinata once again, can’t really stop himself from doing so. He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t reach for his hand when he so desperately wants to. All he does is smile. 

“I guess so,” he chuckles despite himself.

“You know… I’d like to consider you my friend, now, Miya-san,” Hinata says. “And I’d rather be more honest when I’m with my friends.”

The statement takes Atsumu off guard, rendering him unable to come up with a coherent response.

“I’m going to leave the kingdom after the wedding ceremony.”

Hinata looks straight up at Atsumu for the first time the entire night. His eyes aren’t shy anymore. They are serious and direct. Atsumu doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“I know it’s silly, and completely irresponsible. You probably think I’m just a prick like your brother—”

“I could _never_ —”

“—but I don’t want you to resent me, Miya-san,” he says, biting his lips, “I wish we had met sooner, truly. We get along well, and I would’ve loved to be with both you and my sister my entire life. But—I can’t.”

Hinata sounds sad, somehow, as he speaks. 

“You would know what it’s like, right, Miya-san? To be caged in your entire life? To have everything decided for you before you were even born?” he asks, “I can’t have that. Not anymore. Not when I finally have a reason to leave.”

It’s Atsumu’s turn to look away, can’t bear to look Hinata in the eyes now.

He was going to leave? _Now_? Just when they met? Just when Atsumu had finally found something he wanted to hold on to?

“Is that why you’re making your sister marry me?” Atsumu asks, eyes dark.

Hinata pauses. “Miya-san, I—”

“No, never mind,” he chuckles despite himself. He’s finding it harder and harder to hide the way his throat has started to close in on itself. He has to finish this quickly.

“Don’t answer that,” Atsumu says, his words taste bitter in his mouth. “Leave. Right now, I don’t want to see you.”

“Miya-san—”

“JUST LEAVE!” Atsumu breaks. He looks away before Hinata can see the tears falling from his eyes. 

He breathes once. “You’re right. I know exactly how you feel, Hinata-san.”

He wipes away his tears, turning back to Hinata and willing his lips into a smile. 

“Why should I resent you for being able to do what I can’t?”

That night, he sleeps a dreamless sleep.

♛

Atsumu has seen better days.

He woke up late, or rather, he slept in. He ignored almost all of the palace workers trying to wake him. It was around noon, when another palace worker had tried to wake him, that he finally stood up.

“I apologize for interrupting your slumber, Prince Atsumu. However, the queen wishes for your presence at lunch.”

Atsumu had stared at the palace worker then, suddenly so envious of the life he had. Everyone else seemed like they had better lives at the moment. 

“I hear this is your last day, Tobio-kun,” Atsumu says. “What do you plan to do when you leave the palace?”

The boy seems confused at Atsumu’s attempt at small talk. Nonetheless he responds, “I will leave the country, your highness.”

Atsumu smiles. He wonders how different life would be if he wasn’t born into royalty. “Tell my mother I’ll have my lunch in my room.”

“Understood, Prince Atsumu.”

“Oh, and Tobio-kun?” he calls, “Good luck.”

He spends the entire day inside his room despite the constant calls of the many palace workers his mother sends his way. He ignores all of them, however, staying put inside his room like the stubborn prince he is. Soon enough, though, he gets restless. The night always makes him feel this way, it seems. 

He thinks about what Hinata had said last night; how he dealt with what Hinata had said. And he immediately feels regret.

Hinata was right. Atsumu understood exactly how Hinata had felt, he had just felt envious. Atsumu had found someone that was in his exact position, except Hinata was about to up and leave, and that made Atsumu feel like he was about to be left alone. 

They were in the same position; their entire lives laid for them, born into a family of royalty. The only difference was, Hinata was going to leave all of that behind. 

What was stopping Atsumu from doing the same?

He stood up from his bed, staring up at the moon outside his window; the same moon whose light had shed upon both Atsumu and Hinata ever since that night he spotted him in the garden maze, and he headed outside.

It was two days before the wedding. It wasn’t too late to call everything off. He could still refuse. He could still say no to his mother, say no to everything she has to offer Atsumu and move out of the palace.

He could leave with Hinata, and leave everything else behind.

“Miya-san,” Hinata breathes.

He sees the prince stand in the middle of the maze garden, eyes wide and mouth agape. 

“Hinata-san,” he says, “I didn’t think you would come.” 

“... I didn’t think you would either,” Hinata looks away.

Atsumu steps closer. “I’d like to apologize. The way I acted last night was childish, and I’m sorry. I don’t think I even let you finish what you wanted to say.”

Hinata still isn’t looking at him.

“Please accept my apology.”

There’s a pause. It’s long enough for Atsumu to finally feel the coldness of the night as a gust of wind passes by. But then, Hinata looks up at him and speaks.

“What if I didn’t show up?” he says.

“... W-what?”

“What if I didn’t show up, Miya-san? What would you have done?”

Atsumu freezes, a wave of realization rushing over him. “I would’ve talked to you tomorrow.”

At that, Hinata smiles. “Right answer.”

Before Atsumu can register it, Hinata is in his arms, burying his head in the prince’s chest. Atsumu can’t help but collect Hinata in his arms, a hand resting atop Hinata’s head as he smiles fondly.

He lets go when Hinata pulls back, a smile still on his face.

His heart is beating loudly in his chest, but this time he can ignore it. All of his attention is on the prince in front of him.

“Hinata-san, I wanted to ask you—”

“I have always known you were a good person, Miya-san,” Hinata speaks. “Ever since we met that night.”

Atsumu chuckles, “Right, when I teased you in front of the queen.”

Hinata smacks his side playfully. “That’s not what I mean,” he says. “I mean the first night we saw each other here. When I wasn’t supposed to be here.”

Atsumu widens his eyes. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Hinata says. “I lied when I said I was just lost. I mean, I did get lost, this is a garden maze after all, but what I really meant to do was to visit the king.”

Atsumu’s smile slowly melts from his face. “You… went to my father’s grave.”

“Yes,” Hinata confirms. “And I saw the flowers you left for him, as well. I wanted to know why in the world would a kingdom completely brush off their king’s death. I wanted to know what you truly felt. And I saw it that night; that you truly cared for your father, and you were put in a position where you had to forget about him. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Hinata looks up at Atsumu, reaching for his hands and placing them in a tight grip. 

“I told you last night that I saw you as a friend, and that I wanted to be completely honest with my friends. So this time, please wait until I finish before you walk away.”

Atsumu can’t bring himself to speak, so he simply nods at Hinata.

“Okay,” Hinata smiles. “My sister decided for herself that she would get married and inherit the throne, and it was all because of me.”

Hinata let go of his grip on Atsumu’s hands, starting to fidget with his fingers.

“You see, I had always wanted to leave the country, just like your brother,” he continues. “So I used to sneak out of the palace a lot, and one day, I met someone. And I… I fell in love.”

Atsumu can feel his heart in his head, his lungs starting to have difficulty in breathing.

“He works here, and his name is Kageyama Tobio. And for the first time in my life, I felt so free. So _comfortable_ with someone. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that way ever again if I stayed in the palace so I told my sister that I would run away with him.”

Hinata is gripping his chest, hand in a fist.

“But she didn’t want me to completely cut ties with the kingdom, so she hatched this plan. She convinced our parents to create an empire with your kingdom because she found out that your father had passed away and you were soon to be crowned king. She said she would marry you so that would happen. The only problem was… no one was going to accept a new king and queen so soon after the death of their king. So, she suggested the letters.”

Hinata sounds almost sorry for what he says.

“It was staged to be a love found in tragedy. They told the plan to your mother and she accepted. It was also a way for me to communicate with Kageyama since he wasn’t allowed to leave the palace aside from a few errands to the town.”

Atsumu gapes, “You mean—”

“I was the one writing the letters,” Hinata confirms. “I’m sorry. It seems you really are getting married to a stranger.”

Atsumu doesn’t speak, doesn’t dare to even breathe as Hinata finishes. His chest is aching, now more than ever, it’s a miracle he’s still on his feet.

“Miya-san?” Hinata calls, voice small. “I truly see you as a friend. And I treasure the moments we’ve shared here in this garden maze and the ones outside of it. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”

Atsumu opens his mouth, and for some reason it curls into a smile.

“Tobio-kun, was it?”

“What?” Hinata asks.

Atsumu looks up at Hinata, and he wonders if the prince can see that he’s about to cry. 

“Nothing,” he says. “You don’t have to apologize, Hinata-san. I—”

— _love you._

Atsumu collects himself. “I understand completely.”

He says a quick good night after that, turning his back as he smiles. 

The kind of ache he feels during the night is that kind of ache that keeps him awake. But this time his heartbeat isn’t ringing in his ears. His entire body is still, unable to move at all because of the weight on his chest. 

This time, the night is quiet. And there are no small smiles and warm laughter to fill the air. There is just silence.

♛

My love Atsumu,

There are certain things people only feel once. Like the feeling you get when you are laughing with your close friends. There's a sudden pause, as if you were already looking through retrospect. And it was then that you knew that you would never feel like the same way ever again. The feeling is fleeting; blink and you will miss it just barely slipping through your fingers. Like a glimpse of the moon during a starless night. I can only describe it as a certain ache, because although it is beautiful, it is also painful. Painful to be faced with the fact that there is no infinity, and that once it leaves, it is gone. But there is still home, there is still warmth. The feeling is as quick as a heartbeat, but you feel it against your ribcage like a match sparking its flame. Your body anticipates the burn except you do not catch fire. 

I am not certain if you understand what I mean. After all, we are almost strangers. However, if you find yourself looking for the same feeling, I hope you think of me. Because you are the only one who has made me feel this way. 

Undoubtedly yours,

Natsu

♛

Here is the narrative:

Prince Miya Atsumu is in love with Prince Hinata Shoyou. 

The story started with death, as do a lot of love stories. Although, from Atsumu’s perspective, this isn’t his love story. They had met in the garden maze the prince and his father had made and had found a home that wasn't home. The only problem was that they weren't each other's, so they wrote letters to close the distance. They told their unreserved feelings in the letters, so much so they forgot the entire kingdom could see. They had their letters displayed, but no one knew who they were really for. Yet the public loved it. Enough to completely be blind from the truth of it all.

But here’s the real story: 

Prince Hinata Shoyou was in love with Kageyama Tobio, and Prince Miya Atsumu was to marry Princess Hinata Natsu.

Atsumu had known that his entire life was already set in stone, so he supposes that the joke is on him when he thought things could finally go his way.

That doesn't change the fact that Atsumu feels an ache in his chest when he sees Hinata smile. Or when he laughs against an otherwise silent night. Or when he looks up at the sky during the day, and the light catches him in a certain way it looks like he's drinking in the sun.

But he supposes he must keep these feelings to himself. Because that smile is not his. Hinata's heart was not his to have.

"Feeling nervous, Miya-san?" Hinata says.

Atsumu has a feeling Hinata knows he’s hiding his true feelings because Hinata had somehow always known how he felt. 

This was most likely the last time he would see him like this; surrounded by the same garden maze they met. Underneath a moon whose light they shared, only for a moment.

"I don't think so," he responds.

When he looks at Hinata now, there is no denying the surge of emptiness he feels in his chest. It is a heavy weight, yet it is hollow. 

"Hinata-san."

Perhaps, he really should keep these feelings to himself. But perhaps Atsumu should allow himself to misbehave at least once.

"I hope you read the last letter."

Hinata doesn't react quick enough to flinch away when Atsumu places his hand on his cheek. He holds him like glass, so easy to slip from his fingers and break. 

There is a moment that he hesitates, just when he feels the heat that radiates from Hinata's face. The prince is frozen still for someone who feels so, so warm.

"I mean every word," he whispers against his cheek, placing a soft kiss atop Hinata's blushing skin.

It is a small gesture, one that Atsumu leaves Hinata to interpret for himself. But it is all he can do.

Atsumu chuckles to himself. This is no time to be in love.

♛

My dearest, Hinata

There are people who might believe that the way we met was unconventional. That when we met, we shouldn’t have at all. That when I found you, I shouldn’t have wanted you. However, I truly am thankful that we met and kept meeting after that; that my hands kept reaching out to you who felt so far away. And that you looked back and grabbed my hand so I could catch up, even if it was just for a while. 

I would like to believe that we met the way we did because of a reason. No matter the obstacles, no matter the detours. I chose to be there, and so did you. And although I may not know that reason, I promise you, I wouldn't have been anywhere else.

I suppose I am feeling rather melancholic as I write this final letter. Like I am losing a friend. However such sadness will soon be replaced with warmth, I am sure of it. You taught me that.

I am so very, very in love with you, Hinata. And I wish you a lifetime of joy, with or without me.

All my love,

Miya

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it please talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/maqickal) or shout at me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mgclgrl), let's be friends!
> 
> thank you so much for reading ♡


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